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What we don't hear about grief

What we don't hear about grief is that it is never ending. It changes of course, it shifts and things become more manageable, emotions can be steered and governed better, but this takes time, and practice and sometimes there are those moments when we cannot. When we just surrender and must just sit with what is....it is hard to sit with this, knowing that you so badly want to change what you feel, ignore it perhaps, “get on with life”. Some will seemingly do this with ease and no trouble at all, but those of us who are struggling may always struggle at certain times. We may always be triggered when we least expect it by something totally unrelated that makes us remember how hard it is just to get through a day, a morning, a moment, without that heaviness, sadness and heartbreak pulling us in the opposite direction to which we strive to move. What some don't realise is that words and sometimes acts are not enough, we simply want to be....just to be allowed to be, to be ok as we are whether that is crying on the kitchen floor, sobbing in the shower or taking yourself to lye under the duvet in the dark, when you need that space to just be... I don't even want fixing, I have done as much work on fixing, dealing with, learning to understand and let go of my feelings as I possibly can, and I continue to address these things on a daily basis to function in the world....but please allow me the space to be, to grieve, to process, to become ok with this sadness, heartbreak and heaviness that I have left in my heart. It isn't there all the time, I have learnt how to remember to be happy, to find joy in the little things, and in fact I think at times I am happier, more open and more connected than I was before this loss and for that I am actually grateful. I know this has made me who I am and made me strong in ways I wish I didn't need to be, but please let me be weak when I need to....in being that I am also trying to let that side of my pain go....and it takes time, patience, compassion and understanding. I don't expect everyone to get it, but I hope if you know someone who needs it (from whatever they are suffering may it be loss, trauma, disease, whatever it is) you can try and give them what they ask for. Read between the lines and between the words they manage to let out when you ask what's up, find the word's they couldn't articulate, and give them this...


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